A New Resource for Quirky Catholic Kids
Most of us have an idea of what motherhood “should” look like, but often times, that ideal doesn’t match with the version playing out in our real life. Especially when we are bombarded with images and videos of supposedly perfect families, Catholic or otherwise, who make us wonder, why don’t my children act like that? Why does everything seem so much harder for our family? Ginny Kochis, author of Quirky Catholic Kids; Navigating Neurodivergence with Faith and Joy, (aff link) felt the same way about her own family for a long time.
“Fifteen years ago, when the world of neurodivergence was new to me, I felt so angry and alone, “she said. ”I had this idea in my head of how the vocation of Catholic motherhood was supposed to look, and what I experienced wasn’t that. I don’t mean it wasn’t good or beautiful or rewarding, because it was, but my family looked so different from the other families we knew in Catholic circles. I had these incredibly smart, incredibly intense kids who marched to the beat of their own drum, and I spent a lot of time trying to make us fit into a mold that we weren’t meant for.”
Once she leaned into her kids quirkiness, rather than viewing it as something to be fixed, Kochis worked on ways to help them excel and accept their unique personalities. She also felt her own heart change and recognized some of her children’s quirkiness in herself. Soon, she started creating resources for other families like hers who might need help encouraging their neurodivergent children.
“Everything I’ve ever written or created, I’ve done so because I needed it when my kids were younger,” Kochis said. “If I can use my own experiences and the subsequent growth and grace God has affected in my family’s life as a way to support other Catholic moms in the same situation, I think it’s a beautiful way to pass on the graces God has given my family.”
Kochis knows first hand that it may be hard for parents to process their child’s diagnosis of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc. Parenting books, and even raising other typically developing children, can’t prepare you for the unique challenges of parenting neurodivergent children.
She explained, “I was always comfortable talking about the challenges my family was facing, but my pride and my expectations for how my life was supposed to look meant that I had a hard time accepting my oldest daughter’s diagnosis for what it was. It was probably six or so years before I not only came to understand what it meant for her to be autistic, but also to tell her the diagnosis. Looking back, I do wish I’d been quicker on the uptake. God knew what my heart needed, though, and it just took time for me to let Him in.”
Kochis doesn’t believe her children are in need of fixing, and so her book is broken into two parts; the first to help parents with their mindset, and the second to help parents and children alike learn practical tips from a group of quirky saints. The example of St. Hildegarde can help you navigate your child’s hyper focus. St. Joseph of Cupertino story can help you figure out executive functioning strategies. And you’ll get ideas for teaching your quirky kids about the faith from St. Don Bosco. Plus there’s an appendix of 100 saints in the back listed by interest in need.
“Several years ago, I put together a blog post and then a workbook focused on discerning patron saints for quirky kids,” Kochis explained. “I was curious about it for my own kids, sure, but I had a growing community of moms like me with kids who were bright and quirky. So I combed through Butler’s and the internet for saints who struggled with similar challenges.”
Parents of neurodivergent children may feel alone because they don’t meet similar families at their parish, but Kochis points out quirky families are more common that they may think.
“Statistically, roughly 15 to 20 percent of the world’s population is neurodivergent,” she added. “It definitely encompasses ASD and ADHD, but it also includes intellectual giftedness, obsessive-compulsive disorder, dyslexia, bi-polar disorder, Tourette’s Syndrome, and more. I’m not really a proponent of the idea that “everybody’s a little neurodivergent,” but I do think many more adults are coming to recognize these traits in themselves as their children are growing and developing. I know that’s been the case for me.”
In addition to her book, Kochis has created an online community for parents of neurodivergent children. If you’re looking to connect with other families who won’t judge you or your kids negatively for their quirky behaviors, Kochis’ site Quirky Catholic Kids is one to bookmark for a free Quirky Catholic Family Toolkit, The Zelie Society which offers small group coaching for Catholic moms of neurodivergent families. and a shop full of other resources. If you’re feeling discouraged, or even unwelcome at your parish, Kochis wants you to remember;
“There really is no such thing as a normal or typical Catholic family,” she said. “As long as you are living according to the teachings of the faith, having kids who stim (or meltdown, or infodump, or struggle with impulse control, etc.) has no bearing whatsoever on how “Catholic” you are.”
